Health Nut

A health nut is talking to his co-worker.  The only thing he likes more than jogging is telling people about his jogging.  He says, “I now jog to work behind the bus in which I used to ride to work.  I feel great and I save $2.00 a day.”

The friend says, “Why don’t you save $20 and jog behind a cab?”

Bible Reading Plan – May 2018, Week 19

Monday, May 7:

David & Goliath – David the shepherd vs. the giant Goliath

  • 1 Samuel 17
  • Psalms 23
  • 2 Samuel 21:15-22

Tuesday, May 8:

Saul’s Insecurity – King Saul is jealous of David

  • 1 Samuel 18
  • Proverbs 14:30
  • James 3:13-16


Daughter’s Brilliant Paper

A college professor congratulated a man on his daughter’s brilliant paper on the influence of science on the principles of government. 
The father exclaimed, “Good!  Next I want her to begin to work on the influence of the vacuum cleaner on the modern carpet!”

New Sermon Series Begin on Mother’s Day

A survey conducted by the U.S. Census Bureau asked young adults about the importance of various life transitions. Here’s what the young adults said about transitions were “extremely important” to them:

  • Completed formal schooling—62%
  • Employed full-time—52%
  • Capable of supporting a family financially—50%
  • Financially independent from parents—43%
  • No longer living in parents’ house—26%
  • Getting married—12%


Bible Reading Plan – May 2018, Week 18

Monday, April 30:

Israel Wants a King – Israel rejects God as their king

  • 1 Samuel 7
  • 1 Samuel 8
  • Hosea 13:9-11

Tuesday, May 1:

Saul Anointed as King – King Saul and God’s Laws for a King

  • 1 Samuel 9
  • 1 Samuel 10
  • Deuteronomy 17:14-20


Bible Reading Plan – April 2018, Week 17

Monday, April 23:

Ruth’s Virtue – The awe of the kinsmen redeemer and Ruth the virtuous woman

  • Ruth 3
  • Deuteronomy 25:5-10
  • Proverbs 31:10-31

Tuesday, April 24:

Ruth’s Redemption – The law of the kinsman redeemer and the genealogy of Jesus

  • Ruth 4
  • Matthew 22:23-33
  • Matthew 1:1-6


It All Depends

The city man bought a farm and was visited by his new neighbor.  He asked him, “Can you tell me where the property line runs between our farms?”

The farmer looked him over and asked, “Are you talking owning or mowing?”

Bible Reading Plan – April 2018, Week 16

Monday, April 16:

Judge Gideon – God reduces Gideon’s army to ensure God gets all the credit

  • Judges 6
  • Judges 7
  • 1 Corinthians 1:26-31

Tuesday, April 17:

Judge Samson – The Nazarite Vow to separate yourself to the LORD

  • Judges 13
  • Numbers 6:1-21
  • Amos 2:10-13


Live with the Consequences

Leigh, my five-year-old brother, was listening to my mother and I argued.  When Mom told me that I was just going to have to live with the consequences, Leigh piped up, “If Dory is going to live with consequences, can I have her room?”

I Have a System

The loaded minivan pulled in to the only remaining campsite.  Four children leaped from the vehicle and began feverishly unloading gear and setting up the tent.  The boys rushed to gather firewood, while the girls and their mother set up the camp stove and cooking untensils.

A nearby camper marveled to the youngsters’ father, “That, sir, is some display of teamwork.”

The father replied, “I have a system; no one goes to the bathroom until the camp is set up.”