A fellow walked into an ice cream parlor with his dog under his arm.  “No dogs allowed,” said the owner. 

“But this dog can talk,” said the man.  “Listen, I’ll ask him three questions and if he answers, I eat free here tonight.”

The owner agreed.

“Spot,” called the man, “what’s the opposite of smooth?”

“R-r-ruff,” barked the dog.

On their honeymoon, Eric took Louise by the hand and said, “Now that we’re married, dear, I hope you won’t mind if I mention a few little defects that I’ve noticed about you.”

“Not at all,” Louise replied sweetly.  “It was those little defects that kept me from getting a better husband.”

We are currently in a teaching series called “Step Up.” Sunday, we answered, why “Step up?” I really believe that God wants us to step up spiritually.

Crime figure Joseph Galliono was on trial for first-degree murder.  His lawyer was paid by Mr. Galliono to win this case or at least reduce the charges.  It seemed clear that Mr. Galliono was guilty, but the lawyer was willing to do whatever it took to reduce the charges.  The lawyer approached one of the jurors and was able to bribe him to hold out for the verdict of manslaughter: no other verdict would do.  At the end of the trial, the jury deliberated for over a week.  They finally returned a verdict of manslaughter.

On the way to preschool, a doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it.

Her heart swelled as the thought that her daughter wanted to follow in her footsteps and be a doctor.

However, the child spoke into the stethoscope:  “Welcome to McDonalds, may I take your order?”

Uncle Sid underwent an operation at Mercy hospital and came out of the anesthesia.  As he opened his eyes, he asked the nurse, “How come all the shades on the windows are pulled down?”

The nurse said, “The house across the street is on fire, and we didn’t want you to wake up thinking that the operation was a failure.”

After the family sang some carols, four-year-old Kevin Kneeland commented “Wasn’t it good of the shepherds to put on clean clothes when they went to see baby Jesus?”

His mother asked, “What do you mean?”

Kevin explained, “We just sang, ‘While Shepherds Washed Their Socks by Night.’”