My father used to tell me, “When Abraham Lincoln was your age, Abraham Lincoln had a job. When Abraham Lincoln was your age, he walked twelve miles to get to school.”
I said, “Dad, when Abraham Lincoln was your age, he was President, okay?”
Someone is trying to buy us out
The chief executive officer of an electronics company called in his public relations director. “Listen, Wilson. Someone is trying to buy us out. It’s your job to get the price of our stock up so it’ll be too expensive for them. I don’t care how you do it, just do it.” And he did.
When asked how, he replied, “I started a rumor Wall Street obviously liked.”
“What was that?”
“I told them you were resigning.”
Made For Something More
“Identity” is a buzz word in our world – that question of what makes us who we are. The world tells us our identity is determined by a bunch of different factors, including:
- How we see ourselves,
- How we feel, and
- What others expect us to be.
But if you’ve tried to define yourself based on those factors, you know they’re ultimately hollow; they shift around like sand, leaving us with nothing solid to hold on to.
They Are Jealous
Pete was telling a friend that he had just lost his job. “Why did the foreman fire you?” the friend asked in surprise.
“Oh,” Pete said, “you know how foremen are. They stand around with their hands in their pockets watching everyone else work.”
“We all know that,” replied his friend. “But why did he let you go?”
“Jealousy,” answered Pete. “All the other workers thought I was the foreman.”
Tip-Offs
Here are some tip-offs that your child may have some flaws . . . even though you may think he or she is perfect:
- Your child gets extra credit for being absent.
- Neighbors always have their cement poured while you are on vacation.
- You find the phone off the hook and the mailbox in his room.
- You are shopping with your child and a clerk give you a flyer from the store across the street.
Bible Reading Plan – February 2018, Week 8
Monday, February 19:
Moses & Pharaoh – God’s message to Pharaoh & Pharaoh’s arrogant rejection
- Exodus 5
- Exodus 6:1-13
- Nehemiah 9:9-10
Tuesday, February 20:
Moses & the Miracles – God reveals Himself through miracles & plagues
- Exodus 7
- Exodus 8
- Psalms 105:23-38
Where God Lives
Helen Wilton, a Sunday school teacher, asked her class of preschoolers if they knew where God lives. Stephen Mason, a precocious six-year-old, raised his hand, and the teacher called on him.”
“God lives in my bathroom,” the boy confidently answered.
Getting Things Done
In his book, How to Use Humor for Business Success, Malcolm Kushner reports that there are three ways to get things done:
1) Do it yourself.
2) Ask someone else to do it.
3) Ask your kids not to do it.
We’ve Always Done It
A man walked by and saw a sentry standing guard for no apparent reason, so he approached the sentry and asked him why he was standing in that particular place.
The sentry replied, “I don’t know. I’m just following orders.”
So, the man went to the captain of the guard and asked him why the sentry was posted in that place.
“I don’t know,” replied the captain, “we’re just following orders.”
This aroused the captain’s curiosity, so he went and asked those in authority over him. They too had no idea why the guard was posted there so they asked the king. The king didn’t know either, so he summoned his wise men and asked them.
25
Jan '18
Bible Reading Plan January 2018, Week 4
25
Jan '18
Monday, January 22:
Abraham & Hagar/Ishmael – Abraham doubts God’s promise & God blesses Ishmael
- Genesis 16
- Genesis 21:8-21
- Galatians 4:21-31
Tuesday, January 23:
Abraham & Circumcision – The sign of circumcision vs. spiritual circumcision
- Genesis 17
- Romans 4:7-13
- Colossians 2:11-13
